The importance of communication

How many times have we had these kinds of conversations?

"You said..."
"No, you're wrong! I said..."
"You did not! You never said I was supposed to..."
"Oh, yes I did! I clearly said..."
"You never even mentioned..."
"But that was our agreement..."

The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Whether we are dealing with the question of who does what at work, how you communicate with your daughter when you tell her to clean her room, or who feeds the fish and takes out the garbage, we can be certain that unclear expectations will lead to misunderstanding, disappointment, and withdrawals of trust.

Many expectations are implicit. They haven't been explicitly stated or announced, but people nevertheless bring them to a particular situation. In marriage, for example, a man and a woman have implicit expectations of each other in their marriage roles. Although these expectations have not been discussed, or sometimes even recognized by the person who has them, fulfilling them makes great deposits in the relationship and violating them makes withdrawals.

That's why it's so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out on the table. People will begin to judge each other through those expectations. And if they feel like their basic expectations have been violated, the reserve of trust is diminished. We create many negative situations by simply assuming that our expectations are self-evident and that they are clearly understood and shared by other people.

The deposit is to make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning. This takes a real investment of time and effort up front, but it saves great amounts of time and effort down the road. When expectations are not clear and shared, people begin to become emotionally involved and simple misunderstandings become compounded, turning into personality clashes and communication breakdowns.

Clarifying expectations sometimes takes a great deal of courage. It seems easier to act as though differences don't exist and to hope things will work out than it is to face the differences and work together to arrive at a mutually agreeable set of expectations.

~ Stephen R Covey; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

---

I used to think that no argument is good in my relationship and pride myself on that.

And then i discovered that there were so many differences between us, only much much later down the lane...

Come to think of it all now, actually a little argument wldnt hurt and may even facilitate better understanding. Of course the ideal wld be to talk it over calmly and come to a mutual agreement. I used to think that that was what we did very early on in my previous marathon r/s. Then i realized that somehow, due to the novelty of a new relationship, wanting to hang onto it, to make it last, somehow somewhere somewhat, someone must hv been restraining his or her true self just so to placate the other party.

This wld not be the truth i seek.

Not that you hv to practically tear out each other's hair just for the sake of argument to come to the awareness of wat ea other want but effective communication is vital. It does not hv to be quantity communication, it's the quality that counts.

Being too nice (a cool composed front), afraid to communicate wat u need directly to the other person, afraid to receive feedbacks, holding back wat you feel, lack of expressing your care & concern in the way the other party can ustand, all stand in the way of truly understanding & connecting to someone.

This reminds me of this part of an article i've read - 5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER (by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.):

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and
thoughts with this person?

This question goes
to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you
can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication
is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

There's a quote that i came by, author unknown, talking abt love which i agree very much with:

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is
for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them
more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything
about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling
comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk
into a room and smile at you.

i'm still trying to find my love though. who are you and where are you?

Tissue Seller on 年初二

Bishan:

A typical tissue seller stationed near the entrance of the mrt station cried away, saying to hv pity on the poor old lady on a new year's day! To buy some tissue fr her!
“新年快乐！恭喜发财！可怜我这个老人家，跟我买包tissue吧！” she rambled over & over in a shrilling pitch.

She was shouting so loud that i felt embarrassed to go near her. To say truth, i had actually wanted to get tissue fr her as i was heading towards her, but her yelling made me bypass her without looking her directly in the eyes. I walked on like a typical passer-by till i parrallelled the convenient store CHEERS.

Then i tot, what the heck? If i wanna help her, be it she's crying out loud or wat, does it matter? Y shd i bother abt how other ppl will look at me when it is she that i wanna help?

I opened my purse. I only had a $5 and a $50 note. No $2 note.

So i made a 180 degrees turn and headed over to the lady. I told her, “我要买tissue” and handed her my $5 note. She passed to me the 4 packets of tissue bundled up together with a rubber band. I took the tissue and walked away.

“要找钱吗？”she shouted after my back.

“不用紧。”I told her, and then continued to walk away.

---

Indeed, as described in this book "Awakening a Kind Heart" that i got fr bright hill temple, by Venerable Sangye Khadro, it is not easy to let go of our attachment to reputation:

In most cases of being criticized, our response arises from our attachment to reputation - wanting others to like and respect us. According to the Tibetan masters, this is one of the most difficult attachments to let go of.

There is a story from the tibetan tradition about the Kadampa Geshe Langri Tangpa, author of the Eight Verses, that illustrates how a spiritually mature person is free from such concerns.

Once, a woman who had given birth to a sickly child was told by an
astrologer that in order to save the child's life, she must take it to a
spiritual master and claim it was his. So she brought the child to Langri
Tangpa, who happened to be in the middle of giving a Dharma discourse to a large
number of disciples, and put it on his lap saying: "This is yours."

The Geshe happily accepted the infant and said: "For all my lives you have
been my child."

Seeing this, half of the disciples lost faith in their teacher and walked
out. But Langri Tangpa continued to teach. At the end of the discourse, the
mother presented the Geshe with offerings and apologised to him for what she had
done, explaining that she had been advised to do it in order to save the child's
life. Langri Tangpa calmly handed back the child.

He had maintained equanimity throughout this whole incident, and half of
the disciples who had not walked out experienced even greater faith in their
master.

Langri Tangpa was able to remain calm in this situation because he knew
that he was innocent of any wrong-doing, and because he was not attached to what
others thought of him. He was not concerned about being the '"victor". If we are willing to look honestly at our mind and work on
diminishing our attachment to reputation and praise, then we will also learn to
remain calm in the face of criticism and blame.

i ustand

and i'm reminded of this song:

傻瓜


你咬过的冰 我冰在电冰箱
你看过的书 我天天都在看
想和你一样 要和你一样
怎会这样? 爱逼人去模仿!

你人在伦敦 我整晚听beatles
你说你感冒 我呼吸都困难
想和你一样 要和你一样
爱够疯狂 寂寞才能抵抗


别说我傻 我只是装傻 但是我不怕
也许我傻 我不怕笑话 傻瓜力量大


uh huh uh huh uh huh...


你穿过的鞋 喷上我的香水
你爱过的她 我试著去了解
靠你近一些 醋放多一些
有时吃味 会帮助爱溶解

你才踏出门 我立刻写情书
等你到纽约 进饭店就能读!
传真传祝福 传真传孤独
没有你住 爱只是空房屋


别说我傻 我只是装傻 但是我不怕
也许我傻 我不怕笑话 傻瓜力量大

(音乐演奏)

爱来太快 不要想逃开 你还不明白
快说出来 不要再耍赖 我要你明白


爱我吧！ 亲我吧！
从今后 海角天涯 我愿意做你的大傻瓜！


别说我傻 我只是装傻 但是我不怕
也许我傻 我不怕笑话 傻瓜力量大

爱来太快 不要想逃开 你还不明白
快说出来 不要再耍赖 我要你明白
i'd like to know
i'd like to know
i'd like to know
要听你说
你爱的是我！


~ 苏慧伦

:)

Cancer

This is so me!

These people don't pant after the spotlight like the extro-verted Leos
or-clownish Sagittarians, but Cancerians have an uncanny sense of publicity,
when it pleases them to be noticed. Don't let that unassuming manner fool you.
They secretly enjoy attention, and they'll soak up any headlines they get. You
won't find Cancer pursuing fame with pas­sion (he pursues nothing with true
passion), but he cer­tainly won't shrink from it. He's far more likely to
bask in the reflected glow of applause than to run away. Cancer may hide from
things, but you can be sure that apprecia­tion is not one of them.

Read more about my star sign here

Click here to know more about zodiac in general & to browse thru ya own zodiac sign!

I.T ~ evolution

Click here for a bigger screen and to read more about the video.

(pay attention to the hyperlinks in blue on that web page)

This is just so cool i wanna share wif y'all!

Information Technology.

*guess this video will appeal more to ppl who has at least some basic knowledge of html; hell, up till now, i still hv yet to explore & comprehend the use of rss/xml. wld like to know photoshop too*

我就是喜欢孙燕姿，怎样？

奔

灰色的气压 扭曲的脸 好闷
生活颜色 比天黑!
不想负责的 就无解 爱情像潜水
氧气剩一些 无法呼吸的瞬间!

开始吧！ 狂奔的起跑线
视觉像电影 剪辑着从前
心跳正在扑通 天上飞 拼命追
i will go this way

自由对于我 是种发泄 就算
爱情变成了洪水!
喘了 也累了 摊在那边
我就想依赖 挥霍着眼泪
对错归零 出发 再了解!


开始吧！ 狂奔的起跑线
视觉像电影 剪辑着从前
心跳正在扑通 天上飞 拼命追!
i will go this way!

开启吧！ 狂奔的起跑线
视觉像电影 剪辑着从前
心跳正在扑通 天上飞
i will say
Yes i choose this way!

十二点 凌晨交界
黎明前天 还是黑的
自由了 我的灵魂
我狂奔着 拼命追 不会停歇
血液里 留着颓废 到哪里

都向着>>>明天!
天亮了 另个起点 告别从前...

视觉像电影 剪辑着从前


--> THIS WAY


开始吧！ 狂奔的起跑线
视觉像电影 剪辑着从前
心跳正在扑通 天上飞 拼命追

开启吧！ 狂奔的起跑线
视觉像电影 剪辑着从前
心跳正在扑通天上飞
i will say
Yes i choose this way!


I will go this way

I will go this way!

Sex and The Beauties

性感都市

Just finished watching this VCD with my bro. Had me laughing from show start till the end. Funny, when it was airing on tv, i had only managed to catch the tail of the show whereby Carina Lau was criticizing Tony Leung on his lack of guts. Couldn't make head or tail of the show then.



Athena Chu is truly crazy & hilarious in this show. I cldnt stop laughing seeing the way she portrayed herself. So elegant, so sharply dressed, yet so... erm... DESPERATE? Well who knows, this may just very well mirror the way how the modern women in this hustle & bustle city are thinking? In search of their 真命天子 that is.

---

While searching for the image of this show, i chanced upon this:


it's not a bird,it's not a plane,it's a...an inflatable sex doll! *OMG* Holy shit!

This is the url of the website: Inflatable dollies!
(it's in mandarin though; perhaps the greatest motivation yet for one to brush up on ya Chinese ya? ;p )

The 泄欲tools these days *tsk tsk tsk*, are getting more and more advance & lifelike. Is it good or bad? Hmm...

Well how did I chance upon this? Just type "性感" into ya google image search engine lar! (wanna try copy & paste fr my site? I hadnt disable this function) Dun get me wrong, I was searching for the images of "性感都市", no other intentions... then again, does it matter?

Afterall, living in this modern yet ironically, half-blended traditional chinese society, there are things we know but just never say out ~ for the prime and proper. Wish i had the guts to behave like Athena in the show. But hang on, that is so not me! And i aint even half as dao as her lor! Help lar!

Lastly:

I'm warning ya, dun you ever dare step on my tail... Giddit? *shakes fist & delivers this vehement look that kills*

The attack of the dolls!

I slept considerably early yesterday. At about eleven o'clock.

The last time i've heard fr a fren's fren who's into 面相、风水 and studying the health aspects of the five elements (金木水火土), he told me that i belong to the 木family with a bit of 火 (due to my high cheekbones). Coincidentally, my manager's mentioned that i belong to the 木 family too when a speaker was talking abt these 5 elements and how they rule the working force at our agency kick-off last month.

Well this fren of fren was saying i needed to sleep before 1am and that between 1am - 3am wld be the vital rest that i needed, if not, it wld add burden to my liver & kidneys. If I missed my vital sleeping hours, no matter how much i sleep for two consecutive days, i wld still feel tired no matter wat. My thin eyebrows were showing signs to him that my kidneys were weak. And due to my element, i've got to take extra care of my liver. He asked me whether my menstruation was irregular and whether i needed to run to the loo esp between 3pm - 5pm. (not really though) Between 3am - 5am would be the best time to excercise your lungs said he.

Anyway, regardless wat, i've got to take care of my health though. No one else wld and like wat i've always said, i dun hv anyone around me fussing over me asking me to drink soups and all. It's my lot and i hv to accept it. Well, i aint complaining. Just sometimes, i'll whine a bit. Dun i even hv at least this right to do so? I discovered that thru my experiences with certain frens, when you tell them of your probs, perhaps they've not been thru wat you've been thru, they can only feel helpless at hearing your predicament, start to squirm uneasily as if they feel compel to do something for you yet beyond their wanting and ability to, or another way is to pretend to look and sound mature by denying all that you've felt and saying things like it'll get better by just paying lip service (you can see & feel that), else they'll just stare at you blankly.

Of cos, not to 一根竹打翻全船人, I'm esp glad to hv met more people of late who are more understanding, who can calmly accept my need to talk. There's a particular friend whom i called asking "are you afraid of girls who cry?" & miraculously sat composedly throughout while i sob my "sad story" to him. Hoho! Tks buddy! And others too! ^_^

---

I'm being carried away as usual. I had initially wanted to blog abt the bad dream i had.

Talking abt that, that fren of fren whom i mentioned above told me that once, he challenged a fren who does not believe in any of wat he's said at all to drink a can of coke just before going to bed. He told his fren that he would hv nightmare if he dare to down that can of coke. And sure enuff, his fren tossed & turned in bed and cldnt get to sleep till 4am in the morning. If you wanna hv a bad night' sleep, try drinking a can of coke before turning in for bed. Dun come after me though. You've been warned.

Well, i didnt hv coke yesterday nor any soft drinks. But i dreamt of this:

I was in a 3-room flat with my bro when all of a sudden, dolls started appearing and multiplying out of nowhere threatening to suffocate us with their presence in the two bedrooms. It was increasing at an eeriely alarming speed. Wat kind of dolls were they? Cant rmb exactly as we didnt dare to pick up those dolls. Think they were some kinda cloth rag dolls dressed in assorted clothings & had dif colors for their wool hair, perhaps abt slightly taller than the height of your 17 inche monitor or so. And then we tried to get out of the house quick. Damn, the dolls piled up the soonest in THAT particular room. Maybe my kor & mei wld be able to sense sumthing in that room in real life?

As the dolls kept appearing and blocking all forms of exits, my bro & i contemplate climbing out of the windows to escape. I still rmb thinking to myself that as the building seem slippery wet from rain (& high), that perhaps i shd use one or two of the shirts hanging at the kitchen grille windows to dry as a wrap over for my hands as i climb out of the flat. My bro & I tried ways to confine the dolls to the rooms by pushing the sofa against one of the doors (did we tried closing the door? cant rmb now) as the dolls pile up. Somehow, i think my bro & i just barely managed to escape by the front door.

After getting out of the house, i then realized i had not double check whether any more of my loved ones are trapped in the house. i panicked a while only to realize at that particular time of the day, my loved one is safely away fr home. Damn stupid stml (short term memory loss)!

Strangely i see myself attempting to climb down the walls of the building at this point again. My uncle was there as well (din see my bro though) The building was white when i looked out of the window but strangely, as i am on the wall now, it looked more colorful with block squares of red bricks and all. My uncle handed me a red bamboo pole and it was almost long enuff to reach to a fence for support fr the building wall. It wasnt nearly as tall a height i needed to scale down as i've looked out of the window then. Looked only about 2 storeys high? I rmb holding onto a certain ledge, tried grabbing it hard and it broke off. I wasnt in any danger & din feel i was in any danger of falling. When it broke off, the thing that fell looked like a paper house the size of my palm.

Wat is this dream trying to tell me? Anyway, i've had weird dreams fr time to time. As i grew, i wldnt exactly term them as nightmares as i dun really break out in cold sweat and shiver under the blanket because of these dreams, but they certainly werent very good or encouraging dreams. They puzzled me, confused me for sure. And then come my futile attempts to unravel my inner state of confused mind by wallowing in these nonsensical dreams.

I rmb there was this particular online fren i had made somewhere fr other country. He had showed me pics of his dad and bro - pics taken for imprisonment. He told me of his dreams, how they haunted him. He asked me of ways of trying to get even with someone, of which i did not approve. He had tot once he was able to quell the imbalance treatment he had recieve fr a particular person by giving the person a taste of her own medicine, he wld be able to get over her and stop his nightmares. He is definitely in much agony & pain. I wld like to help him, but not in the way he had proposed. I wld gladly lent him my listening ear but he rejected me. Guess that was not wat he needed then & he's continents away. There's only so much i can do. Anyway, i've never rejected him when he wants to talk to me. You type me a line, i'll respond.

---

These are the pics taken when i took a walk along my neighbourhood early feb. The latter 2 pics are taken on a separate occasion.


wat lovely cottage-looking houses =)



Cant be seen that clearly here, cant even rmb wat i saw that clearly now but is that a bath area on the top left of this house here?:D



Lovely little touches



I love that lamp post up there. It's like having your own little street



Flowery grilles

---

Dasa shifu told me to close my eyes and face the sun for a min as part of my everyday routine. I think i've found just the very patch of area to do this. Am beginning to recollect my dreams & even weave new ones...

3243

妈，我好想你呀。

Took some free books on buddhism yet again

Is it necessary to leave food out for the deceased? What about burning paper money and so forth for them?

Burning paper cars or clothes or money does not give the deceased these things in their future rebirth. It is not necessary to burn all these things. The tradition of doing so is an old Chinese custom, not a practice taught by the Buddha. If we really want to help our relatives and friends to have wealth in their future lives, we should encourage them to make offerings and be generous while they are still alive. The Buddha said generosity is the cause of wealth, not burning paper.

Finally the answer to the question i always had in mind...

Some short extracts fr this book call: "Settling back into the moment" that i wld like to share with you all :)

Usually we eat very unmindfully.

Taste comes and goes very quickly. While food is still in the mouth, because
of desire and greed for continuing taste sensations, the arm reaches for more
and generally we are unaware of the whole process involved

Finish

each mouthful before reaching for another.

In this way we become more sensitive to our bodies and how much food we need.
It's very hard to overeat when you eat mindfully.

People progress in different ways.

But no matter how, if we're facing in the right direction, all we have to do
is keep on walking.

If it takes a year,

or sixty years

or five livetimes,

as long as we're heading

towards LIGHT,

that's all that matters.

Be gentle with

yourself.

Be persevering.

Though it may not

be apparent to you,

there is a

great tranformation

taking place.

Like fruit

ripening on a tree.

As the sun shines

on it, the fruit ripens, although

from one day to the next, the

process may be imperceptible.

In the same way, the

changes and ripening in

our mind are also going on.

PATIENCE


Do not be driven
to action by our
desires.
If we don't have
the ability to be
patient,
every desire
which comes
into our minds
compels us to action
and we stay bound
on the wheel of craving.

Energy
has to be balanced
with tranquillity.

It is as if
you are trying to tune
the strings on a guitar.
If they are too tight
or too loose,
the sound is not right.

Often in forgetfulness
of our destiny, we become
over-involved in collecting
things, in attachments and
possessions, in wanting to
become someone special.

We get involved in
many of the activities of
LITTLE MIND, taking our ambitions,
our desires, ourselves,
very seriously. We lose the
perspective of BIG MIND, we
lose the
perspective of death.

We
are going to die alone.
It's necessary to come
to terms with our
basic
aloneness,
to become comfortable
with it.
The mind can
become
strong and peaceful
in that understanding
making possible
a beautiful communion
with others.

If we take
death as our adviser
we live
each moment
with the
power and fullness
we would give
to our last endeavour
on earth.

包容

喜欢听歌　感人的歌　它让我觉得爱是对的
睡不着　我就醒着　不再让日子被打乱了

寂寞很吵　我很安静　情绪很多　我很镇定
因为投入　所以放弃　不愿再被痛醒

*固执算不算任性的要求　付出也可能看不到结果
终於你还是选择了放手　用逃避　让感情犯错*

喜欢唱歌　动人的歌　它让我获得一点心得
得不到　我就放掉　不去碰触到我的需要

寂寞很吵　我很安静　情绪很多　我很镇定
因为投入　所以放弃　不愿再被痛醒

承诺算不算任性的要求　

人总是不能太容易感动

当爱失去自我失去包容　

只想要　

从混乱解脱

喜欢听歌　

动人的歌　

它让我觉得爱是对的

~ 孙燕姿 任性

示情

示情

心有所系
魂也有所牵
寂寞染不上我心田
回忆说著万语千言
未来原是碧海蓝天

苦涩酸甜都化做缠绵
悠悠盘旋成寓言
你的呼吸你的眉眼
裹住我的冰心一片

我的祝福你会了解
你是我最想还的愿
月有盈缺而爱自成圆
总有一天再相见

我的依恋你该了解
灵犀相通心相连
千山万水如千丝万线
一张相思网
织得好密延

~ 范文芳

历历如新。Heavy Heart

My Memory


Only For You


Don't Forget Me


Love Can't Let Go


From Beginning till Now

When i cldn't be there for you...

know that
how i wish i cld
to cradle you & hold you near

know that i want to protect you
know that i cherish you

so when ur all alone
& solitude seems to be ur only companion
dun forget

there is me

let me be there with u
allow me in
feel me there

Love,
jie

Mei,

i love you too. =)

有缘千里来相会。

Forgive me mei for using mandarin yet again to express myself. I was born into a Chinese-educated family and i used to peer over my mum's shoulder asking her all the unknown Chinese characters i saw on the newspaper she's reading, used to also sit all day at home catching every possible Chinese drama on the then SBC channel 8 during primary school days (it actually helps improve your command of language be it mandarin or english!), hence to express myself in mandarin at times is a natural, makes me feel more validated cos chinese words come across as 较为含蓄 (when phrased in the right way)，yet at the same time 不失其意。Very me lor~ haha...

And btw, gluten shen mo shen is a deliberate mis-spelling on mah part. So that you know it's me mah! Who else like to eat gluten this muchie?

Penguin, tk you very much for your patience & ustanding. I feel validated. & tks for the episode whereby u took time off fr ya studying. I didnt know u had exams the next day :o Am so touched! You know, sometimes in life, a little means so much! It meant a lot to me as i've told you what it had done for me when i was depressed. It was my outlet then. I know most people out there who's not into it wldnt hv care less to bother to hv a look at all.

Recently, been treating this book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey like a bible. The above event with penguin reminds me of this excerpt where the author dealt with a certain particular difference he found hard to swallow in his wife:~

Another of those difficult times had to do with what I perceived to be a
"hang up" Sandra had which bothered me for years. She seemed to have an
obsession about Frigidaire appliances which I was at an absolute loss to
understand. She would not even consider buying another brand of appliance. Even
when we were just starting out and on a very tight budget, she insisted that we
drive fifty miles to the "big city" where Frigidaire appliances were sold,
simply because no dealer in our small university town carried them at that time.

This was a matter of considerable agitation to me. Fortunately, the
situation came up only when we purchased an appliance. But when it did come up,
it was like a stimulus that triggered off a hot button response. This single
issue seemed to be symbolic of all irrational thinking, and it generated a whole
range of negative feelings within me.

I usually resorted to my
dysfunctional private behavior. I supposed I figured that the only way I could
deal with it was not to deal with it; otherwise, I felt I would lose control and
say things i shouldn't say. There were times when I did slip and say something
negative, and i had to go back and apologise.

What bothered me the most
was not that she like Frigidaire, but that she persisted in making what I
considered utterly illogical and indefensible statements to defend Frigidaire
which had no basis in fact whatsoever. If she had only agreed that her response
was irrational and purely emotional, I think I could have handled it. but her
justification was upsetting.

It was sometime in early spring when the
Frigidaire issue came up. All our prior communication had prepared us. The
ground rules had been deeply established - not to probe and to leave it alone if
it got to be too painful for either or both.

I will never forget the day we talked it through. Sandra and I were amazed at what we learnt through the interaction.

She started to talk about her father, about how he had
worked as a high school history teacher and coach for years, and how, to help
make ends meet, he had gone into the appliance business. During an economic
downturn, he had experienced serious financial difficulties, and the only thing
that enabled him to stay in business during that time was the fact that
Frigidaire would finance his inventory.

Sandra had an unusually deep and
sweet relationship with her father. When he returned home at the end of a very
tiring day, he would lie on the couch, and Sandra would rub his feet and sing to
him. It was a beautiful time they enjoyed together almost daily for years. He
would also open up and talk through his worries and concerns about the business,
and he shared with Sandra his deep appreciation for Frigidaire financing his
inventory so that he could make it through the difficult times.

This
communication between father and daughter had taken place in a spontaneous way
during very natural times, when the most powerful kind of scripting takes place.
During those relaxed times guards are down and all kinds of images and thoughts
are planted deep in the subconscious mind. Perhaps Sandra had forgotten about
all of this until the safety of that year of communication when it could come
out also in very natural and spontaneous ways.

Sandra gained tremendous insight into herself and into the emotional root
of her feelings about Frigidaire. I also gained insight and a whole new level of
respect. I came to realize that Sandra wasn't talking about appliances; she
was talking about her father, and about loyalty - about loyalty to his
needs.

Likewise mei, I believe there are certain tender issues you've been thru. So had I. That we're able to connect in spite of our age gap must hv been the things we went thru before. Y did I only had you as a sis and no others before? This is what i meant by my title “有缘千里来相会”。缘 or otherwise known as fate in English, is what brings people together. What else can explain why people come into contact with certain ppl and not others on the other side of the globe? Or sometimes, you may exist just across the street to someone else for years but still nvr got round to knowing the person. To some people, the word "fate" may seem ambiguous & capricious, but for me, I would say it makes perfect sense. Even luck plays a part. Like wat i heard in the news yesterday about The Lions winning 3-2 over the Thais, some people may call it luck, but thru this, they won anyway. Hence, be it fate or be it luck, it's very much part of us and our living. Be glad, thankful and appreciative. =)

For all the luck and fate you had though, they are still not totally dependable. So yx! Strike when the iron is hot! Go go go! Like wat I've always said! ;p

My manager told me this on Wednesday:

“Bonnie, 并不是叫你完全依赖一个人。而是有时候，适当的靠着别人是必要的。”

This translates to: Sometimes, we all just need a little support from one another. It is normal and it is essential. Have a little faith and trust to seek help. This does not in any way compromise your state of independence.

Fear. Scripting when young. More fear and unknowns still. Someone once asked me, "Is it possible to fall even when you've arrived?" I told her, "Yes."

However, you can choose to unlearn what you have learnt. And you can choose to restart all over again. If you have failed, it does not mean an end. It only means you have temporary stop succeeding. 你只是暂时停止成功罢了。

I'm still on my own unique journey =)

Kor,

Dun worry, the mercs is in the making. Now gathering the parts.

Trust me.

New Pictures!

Just set up a multiply acct as i had planned. What happened was that I had this mane of long, long tresses as most of my friends had oredy known. It took me about 2 yrs or so to hv grown to a length of past my waist. I needed to hv it cut, beside the fact that it made me look like sadako at times, much maintenance wld be needed to upkeep it (though the only maintenance i had really done then was to use more conditioner & use more shampoo for ea wash! 嘿嘿！不要谢慕我那飘逸的长发!Bleh! ;p Doesn't this sounds like a line fr a shampoo ad years back?! *cheeky*) And besides, hving such long tresses made it more difficult for me to take on swimming again (though yea yea... friends' been saying u can always use a swimming cap, still, it's a hassle ya'noe?) and is not very suitable in this weather in S'pore. Wat's more, i aint a tai tai ya'noe! I dun hv all the time & vitamin M in the world to go salon to do up my tresses! It is also much easier and lighter for me to go on abt my work.

Hence before I declare R.I.P for my lengthy hair, I decided to do a mini memoir of it by taking some nice pictures of myself sporting my much envied locks.

Well, you can check out my multiply account for those pictures! It's at: http://bonnybyu.multiply.com Else there's actually a link at the bottom left of this blog that will bring you there as well.

And shd i r.i.p myself, dear friends, pls blow up this particular picture I had shown here in this entry. I like this best of all for a head photo for ya'noe, erm funeral (well... these kinda things gotta declare well before hand ma! And pls! Send me red & white tulips or shocking pink gerberas instead of those yucky chrysanthemums if ya wanna me to rest in peace!)

More pictures coming up actually. Just that I hv yet to collect them from the studio. This particular set is actually done up f.o.c for me by a hobbyist photographer to add on to his portfolio: http://community.webshots.com/user/david_goh Thank you David Goh.

Disparity? Not!?

罗曼斯

Finally, the ans to a question I've always held since young got enlightened thru a drama I saw on Sunday. It's a repeat telecast actually and this is the 2nd time i've seen it. It was the 1st episode.

Let me reiterate: No matter which stage i am at, i'm continuously learning.

I bet this goes on the same for everyone else too! Perhaps either at a conscious or a less conscious level.

This was the promise made to myself last year: that NO MATTER which stage i am at, i'm lovable & DESERVE to be LOVED.

Hence, i'm still seeking out for love :)

Hmm... so what new insights did i get out of this drama?

Turning back to a time when i was much younger at abt 15 perhaps, i had wondered what is love truly? Y isn't there more logic to hv a love relationship between siblings? Afterall, we're related by blood. Isn't there more reasons to develop a closer relationship? Nah... dun get me wrong. I wasn't into incest. Just an usual “wondering” me. A lot of things happened then & i was wondering if i wld ever get attached at all & y shd i when i dun even see much love & efforts within my nucleus family.

Then when i met my ex, he was a good 7 yrs older than me. It had nvr occurred to me that i wld fall in love with someone much older. My ideal was (I hv imagined a thousand times to myself before) a partner not more than 2 yrs older or younger than me. Then again, ideals are ideals; reality cld be so much different & perhaps even better. Haha... so the above drama esp. towards the very end whereby the 2 had shock over ea other's age & were relunctant to reveal their true occupations, really reminded me of our shock over at our differences then. I was 17 then and he was 24. When we 1st met, he tot i was at least a 20 & i tot he looked 15. Nah... it wasnt love at 1st sight (at least for me). I got to know him more over telephone conversations and started to like him. It had never occurred to me to ask him for his age initially while we were hitting off so well. And then i discovered that he smoke. I had nvr good impression of smokers mainly due to my dad. Then again, thru our conversation in bid to connect & understand ea other, this point seems to pale in the background as well...

Well... so much so abt my ex. We had been together for 7 yrs. It's long over by now. I had a lot of lessons to learn & am still learning. After we broke, there was a period of abt 6 months straight that i was totally alone by myself. Then i dated and had a few close brush wif r/s. I almost started one but it failed. And funnily, i learnt a lot fr this failed r/s i had tried to initiate myself FOR THE 1ST TIME! Yup, for the 1st time, 我失恋了。:)

Hehe... yup. I'm still smiling. Am still smiling though. I mean, what's wrong with smiling and does a failed r/s strip me of my rights to smile? A chat wif an online friend I had known for the 1st time & wld prolly nvr chat again reaffirmed my belief. He said out of nowhere, "Smile when ur happy, smile when ur down. If there's anything you can at least do, smile" Yup. So right. And so me. ^_^

And this point in one of my blog entries connects to the above as well:

I've learned - That your life can be changed in a matter of seconds by people
who don't even know you.

Thank you, my stranger friend, for this affirmation of myself. =)

My mei, ho! She's another angel god-sent. Coincidentally, (she has no idea, but now u do lil mdm! (: ) she said: "Jie, do u know it takes more muscles to frown than to smile?"

Yeah, i do. 14 muscles to smile & 72 muscles to frown. Aint i right? Not that it isnt good to train muscles, but it's the wrong muscles to train at all.

So what is it that I had learnt abt love now?

1) It is just so that we are not related by blood that it is miraculous to love someone unrelated to u in the 1st place. That makes u wanna understand that special one, to love & to care for him/her.

2) Sometimes, issues like age, height, occupations & backgrounds are not the most impt factors. True love speaks of willingness to go the extra mile, baring of souls. Ego & misunderstandings in between are its nemeses. To quote Stephen Covey in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" : Love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb.

3) And if Love is a verb, what does it all mean? Action! Yes, it means action! To quote the meaning of "verb" in dictionary.com: a content word that denotes an action or a state.

So, if you really love somebody and hopes to be reciprocated, do something abt it! Even if the person has no interest in you, make up your mind whether u wld still continue loving the person or not & what u plan to do abt it. Just DO something!

4) Alright, besides COMMUNICATION, which i feel is very impt in a r/s, being touched by gestures sure helps kick-start the love r/s. A little chemistry wldnt hurt... hmm...

Other quotes abt love i hv read abt:

Mere attraction cannot make a relationship last. But it needs to occur first.

It's (r/s) about compromising with one another, coupled with how much
love both parties have for each other. Respect and support is essential. That is
really love, not attraction.

Love is when you can already see the flaws of the person, and accept it as part and parcel of him...and you know that his goodness outweighs the flaws.

And finally:

I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am
with you

---

Other note-worthy quotes I've came by (haha.. like wat mei's said, it's so random of me!):

"It's very depressing to live in a time where it's easier to break an atom than a prejudice."
- Albert Einstein

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'”
- Charles M. Schulz quotes (American cartoonist, 1922-2000)

---

Ahem...

Not to leave out my buddy...

The Quotable One.

U know who u R.

Kaka...

终于。

I have a mei & a kor!

mei :~

knew you for abt erm... let's see... since '05 aquaintance.. wow! It's 2 years oredy! But we only got much closer during the latter 1 year. You've asked me wat I see in you... well besides the ans I've given you, it is also this ~ 心。

I see your true heart mei, and i bet you see that in me too! Nevermind as jie & mei we aren't living under one roof. Nevermind that i dunno ur past nor you of mine. I see ur true heart & I'm confident you will stand by me when i need u the most. Just the assurance of this like wat i've told u before, beats u even hving to do it at all.


Kor :~

I bare my soul to you the second time I met you. You knew exactly how i felt. You didn't despise me, you try to spur me on. You are sincere. I'm surprised at the cruelties life's dished out to you but know that i see u beyond that. I see ur spirits, nvr let it die pls.

You have me.



终于...

I have a 哥哥& i hv a 妹妹。What i had always wished for all along.

People who truly believe ur heart & soul, nvr doubting ur intentions, no matter what you've been thru; there isn't anything else more to ask for.

Just be there; i for you & you for me.

Thank you。

别问我是谁

歌曲：别问我是谁

歌手：王馨平
专辑：《愿望》-王馨平1995

别问我是谁
词曲:蔡议樟
专辑:愿望

从没说过爱着谁
为谁而憔悴
从来没有想过对不对
我的眼中装满疲惫
面对自己总觉得好累

我也需要人来陪
不让我心碎
让我爱到深处不后悔
其实我并不像他们说的
那样多刺难以安慰

爱人的心应该没有罪
为何在夜里却一再流泪
每天抱着寂寞入睡
生活过得没有滋味

别问我是谁
请与我相恋
我的真心没人能够体会
像我这样的人不多
为何还要让我难过
别问我是谁
请和我面对
看看我的眼角流下的泪
我和你并没有不同
但我的心更容易破碎

原来...

一开始就是一个不可能。

完治是不会了解莉香的。

^_^n

Pact

To drink white wine and eat crabs with e

To drive my kor in mercs


Haha... yo there! Remind me of this list from time to time ya?

决定爱你

决定爱你 ~ 徐若萱

Click --> here for song

爱你不需要原因
只要有一颗真心分隔两地也可以传给你

爱你不会有距离
只要你在我心里

随时随地
我也可以感觉得到你!


啦。。。啦。。。啦。。。啦。。。


小时候常常担心一个问题
男人结婚之后到底会不会外遇
我的爸爸妈妈在我小学三年级
他们离婚了其实我非常地伤心

长大后觉得没什么了不起
爱情并不是生活里全部的事情
只要此时此刻我们爱得很用心
就足够我一辈子去回忆

爱你不需要原因
只要有一颗真心分隔两地也可以传给你
爱你不会有距离
只要你在我心里随时随地我也可以感觉得到你！

啦。。。啦。。。啦。。。啦。。。

有时候我也会碰到不如意
宁愿哈哈大笑也不要哭哭啼啼
付出去的感情就算都没有回应

可以碰到你

已经觉得非常幸运 :)

失败做错了也没什么关系
换个发型或是唱唱歌发泄情绪
不要浪费时间

一直躲在后悔里

要找回那颗不认输的心!

*决定要做的事情
不要轻易受打击
今天不行还有明天可以!

决定要谈的爱情
不要随便就放弃
幸福全部
要靠自己努力去争取!

有天我一定会等到生命里那位英雄
有天我一定会找到被我的爱感动的人... 耶~！

喜欢赖在你身旁看你说话的模样
就算我们不能地久天长
喜欢为了你而忙看你开心的模样
就算没有我想要的答案

爱你不需要原因
只要有一颗真心

分隔两地也可以传给你
爱你不会有距离

只要你在我心里

随时随地

我也可以感觉得到你！

I Am David

I am gonna start from rock pit bottom


all over again.

Have Faith

A story i've heard before: ~

When I went to the village that time for the business trip and visited one
of my colleague's home, it was a hot day in southwest of China, and I was very
thirsty and he said he will get the water for me.

I went together with
him into the yard at the back of his house and I found the pump.

There is one old man there and he said “Hi Young Man,
thirsty? Let me get water for you”

But I told him “Never mind Uncle, let
me do it…”

I moved the handle up and down, up and down. 3 times
There wasn’t a drop water come out.
In my mind I was talking to myself
“… May be I just ‘TRY’…? I didn’t do my best… let me do my best now…”

This time, I moved handle up and down even harder, faster, double the
speed of the first time about 15 times. And again there wasn’t water come out.
My sweat grand start to activate and I start to perspire.

I stopped and
talked to the uncle “I think there is no …” I haven’t finished my sentence and
he replied. “Hey!! Young man, don’t stop!!! The water will go down again if you
stop the pressure now, continue.”

I did continue, harder than before,
real fast. While I’m pumping, he said “The water during this time of the year is
very deep, and that good, because the deeper the water, the cleaner the it get,
the better it taste”

I listened to him and counted number of times I’m
pumping up and down, for 30-40 times, and you could see I perspired all over my
body. I turned to him “Uncle, I think there is no water in there…”

The
moment I finished my sentence… the first drop of water came out.

“Wow,
my hard work pay off” I told myself.

“See, young man, I told you. There
is water in there, it was deep. Taste the water, it taste real good” the uncle
said.

He continued “Ok, from now you just pump normal, no need to move
the handle as fast as before, just keep constant normal pressure and the water
will just continue, help me get the bucket over there now”

It is not what you had tot at all...

The more liking you have for someone,

The more afraid you are for letting him or her know your weaknesses.

Yes, it's an irony and needs adjustments...


你知道吗？