WANT(20%) or NEED (80%)..?

Just read this somewhere:

Interesting quote from the movie 'Why did I get married?'

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what
you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your
relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will
meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your
relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you
are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80%
that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with
the other 20% that you WANT

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with
having the 20% that you WANT and losing the 80% that you really NEED and
that you already had.
Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. 'Wow,
this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider
features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also
understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not'

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more
charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have
greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you
and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have
80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or
wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by
nature.

You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no
matter what she says: 'I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . ..'

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of
garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales
representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high
heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet
type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who
has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!

That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the
years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered
together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The
many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already
have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage.

I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through
the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing? 'They
have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow,
their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!'

I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life
like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know
that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first
class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?

The main message???

If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you
are first class!

Acceptance

Today, I wanna quote 2 extracts from a particular book. I had actually already blogged them down some time back in some private postings, but I really hope to share what I have learnt with people who care to read my blog :)

From the book, THE ART OF getting along with People by Cecil G. Osborne, D.D:

Gertrude, the youngest of six children, and at thirty-nine still unmarried, had chosen to take care of her aging mother. The other sons and daughters were married and had children of their own, so it seemed the logical thing for her to do. But at forty-one Gertrude decided to marry, Mother, now in poor health and quite elderly, felt threatened by the turn of events. She began to complain of vague but persistent ailments.

Gertrude appealed to her brothers and sisters, asking if they would mind taking mother for at least a few months. They replied with various excuses: they were short of rooms; there were financial problems; Gertrude had no children as yet and was best able to take care for mother. The discussion went on for weeks, in person and by mail. Gertrude’s brothers and sisters presented a united front: it was her responsibility because she was the youngest and had no children.

Gertrude buried her resentment and went on with the wedding plans. Mother refused to attend the wedding, insisting that she was not feeling well. Two sisters attended the wedding, chiefly because they had been asked to be bridesmaids. Relationships were strained.

Gertrude, her mother, and her new husband, Jack, settled down together in a small house, and for a time mother made a fairly valiant effort to be civil. But within a month, she grew critical and began retiring to her room immediately after dinner. She also ate her other meals in her room. Jack began to feel uncomfortable, and Gertrude was becoming depressed from trying to bury her anger.

Jack eventually suggested gently that she call a family conference to see what could be done. Four of her brothers and sisters, and their spouses, elected not to attend. Gertrude then announced that she intended to put her mother in a retirement home.

There was instant recrimination from everyone: “How can you do this to our mother? She’d die in a month in one of those places. After all she’s done for you! Of course, we can’t take her, for reasons you clearly understand; but you, with no children, surely ought to be able to take care of her until the end. . . ” and on and on and on.

Gertrude began to feel guilt on top of her buried anger. Increasingly depressed, she sought counseling.

After hearing the story, the counselor asked, “What are your options?” She could think of none. He pointed out several.

She could let the situation remain as it was and live in her depressed state. Under those circumstances, there was always the possibility that her husband might lose interest and leave her.

Or she could try to reason with her brothers and sisters. “No, that’s out,” she explained. “They’re hopeless. I want nothing to do with them.”

The third alternative was putting her mother in a retirement home. “But they’ll all hate me,” objected Gertrude.

“Do they love you now?”

“They say they do but –”

“But what?”

“They don’t act like it.”

”What do you want: peace of mind and a viable solution, or to hang on to the illusion that your brothers and sisters really care about you?”

The session lasted for another half-hour. Gertrude finally elected to put her mother in a retirement home.

When her mother heard the news, she protested that she wasn’t going. Brothers and sisters and their mates protested that she couldn’t do this to their mother. But Gertrude was adamant.

Mother was put in a retirement home. In a few months, she was feeling much better, running the recreation program and giving devotionals for the women’s Bible class with sufficient energy left over to make life fairly miserable for the staff. When told that she would have to stop stirring things up with her gossip and complaints or leave, she became quite tractable and began to enjoy her new life.

Gertrude and Jack still have impaired relations with her brothers and sisters. But she has learned that it is their problem. She came to see that their resentment stemmed chiefly from their own guilt.

There may never be a happy solution for these impaired relationships. Gertrude treats her siblings politely, refuses to argue, and sends Christmas cards annually. She says, “You can pick your friends, but you inherit your relatives. The door is open if they ever want to make gestures of reconciliation. If they do, it would be wonderful. If not, it isn’t fatal. I am happy in my marriage, and life is good.”

It would be nice if there could always be a happy ending to every story, as in the books and movies. But life isn’t like that. Sometimes there is no perfect solution , and we have to do the best we can and be satisfied with that.

---

When Rational Judgment Is Difficult

Sometimes a person can become so beaten down as to be incapable of making a rational decision.

A young mother whose husband had died reported to me that her husband’s parents had been verbally abusive to her children. The mother was planning to take the children to another state, where she had the promise of a job. Fearful of losing touch with her grandchildren, the grandmother said to one of them, “If you move there, you’ll be dead in six months.” The little boy was terrified and asked, “Mommy, is that true? Will I die?”

There were many other instances of emotional instability on the part of both grandparents. The mother, accordingly, told them that they could not visit her children so long as they were verbally threatening or abusive.

I said, “Under the circumstances you have stated, you were quite within your rights.”

She said, “Oh, thank you! Everyone I’ve talked to has insisted that I am morally bound to let the children visit their grandparents.”

Advice from friends, relatives, and neighbors can confuse an otherwise intelligent person so that he or she loses the capacity for rational judgment.

---

Only love interests me, and I am only in contact with things that revolve around love. ~ Marc Chagall

Love me for me

If I'm at my dimmest,
Love me the way I am

Value me
Honour me

Give me strength
Fill me with courage

Acknowlege me
even in this pathetic state I am at

Offer me a hand when I am lost

for there is no time than now that shows the clearest
your fair weather friends

And no time than now to truly demonstrate your faith

Be here for me even for the split second of my gloom
And I will be assured of your presence
thru rain or shine
ups & downs

Even when you are not there.

You dun even have to strive to prove it
I will believe you
My trust in you

Just becos
it is you.

This is the time.

And this is me
Right now.

Always,
True.

---

Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.

- Swedish Proverb

别问我是谁

歌曲：别问我是谁

歌手：王馨平
专辑：《愿望》-王馨平1995

别问我是谁
词曲:蔡议樟
专辑:愿望

从没说过爱着谁
为谁而憔悴
从来没有想过对不对
我的眼中装满疲惫
面对自己总觉得好累

我也需要人来陪
不让我心碎
让我爱到深处不后悔
其实我并不像他们说的
那样多刺难以安慰

爱人的心应该没有罪
为何在夜里却一再流泪
每天抱着寂寞入睡
生活过得没有滋味

别问我是谁
请与我相恋
我的真心没人能够体会
像我这样的人不多
为何还要让我难过
别问我是谁
请和我面对
看看我的眼角流下的泪
我和你并没有不同
但我的心更容易破碎

原来...

一开始就是一个不可能。

完治是不会了解莉香的。

^_^n