七月歌台

yea... lol i know the seventh month is already over... but today.. or rather yesterday, is a bit like 在赶七月歌台 lor. Met up with 6 friends starting from noon time. 一赶就赶了六场... one to one, save the sixth meet-up, where i met my 6th friend together with my 5th friend..

我想，如果是真的在赶七月歌台的话，我可就赚翻了。

Hickory Dickory Dock

Ever since my birthday this year, a slow gradual change has been sweeping over meh...

No, not my biological clock... haha... I'm way past that. Something else. A realization maybe.

Anyway, and so, I've been meeting up different friends of mine over the past weeks, talking to my friends, and then friends of friends.

So that friend of friend was saying, "She's leaving." A girl that he was into will be leaving for another country.

"Why don't you stopped her?"

"Nah. It's better this way."

And then my original friend said, "Sometimes it's better not knowing whether things ended or not."

Really?

All I know, if the guy was someone that I like, I'd like him to stop me or at least see me off at the airport. Maybe more could be said...??

Oh well *shrugs*. It's not as if I'm a pro at this. I sux at expressing myself to anyone whom I am starting to develop a liking for anyway. In the end, I think I am no better than that friend of friend.

Maybe in a while more's time, I'll be adding "Dating" to my "Looking For" status on facebook. Regardless of whoever I've been subconsciously developing an affinity for (my subconscious usually becomes apparent to me in the form of dreams), it is still not strong enough to throw out all my reservation. Therefore, I'm still open to all options =) My past experience of meeting people has taught me what to look out for in a mate. I'd still like to enjoy the process of being wooed though (many more guys out there still waiting to know me :P) I hadn't been totally open to this anyway (coz will need energy to handle all that attention ma...), been keeping a very, very low profile, and restraining myself. I think a flirtatious me would be very alluring... mmm... *cheeky* ;p

---

Do Si Te 为什么
曲：小土反裕也 词：徐若瑄

(dousite - 为什么)? 最近你牵我的时候
心跳的感觉不见了 我的手指头这么说
ne~以前你看我的时候 认真的像只野兽
好像在告诉我 今~天晚上休想逃走
会一辈子绑住我 被你在乎的我好感动

(ima wa? – 日文“人家呢?”)

# (dousite - 为什么)? 去年在一起的时候
你为了我忘记朋友 说只要有我就足夠
Ne~现在你对我的要求 变得和当初不同
说想要更多自由~
你气我管你太多 我怪你陪我不夠
我被你冷落 #

* 怎么去面对热恋 慢慢冷却
虽然时间冲淡爱的新鲜
可是我爱你的心不变
要我们之间甜蜜聊天 再次出现
只要我们之间 保持爱彼此的心永远

repeat # *

轰轰烈烈 是刚开始都会有的甜味
陌生变了解 才算是爱的最高境界

---

I love what you are, and what you do and how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength that carries you through. I’ve seen the best of you. I’ve seen the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. And I love you.
~ unknown

疑问句

我有一个我从没见过、也没什么沟通的 friendster 网友，长得很像梁咏琪般漂亮，不，我觉得甚至比她还美！从她百多张的照片来看，她似乎不是很高，但我想却是男生喜欢的娇小型。据她的 status 来看是已婚。年纪跟我好像不相上下（虽然网上人们所放的年纪不能完全相信，但她看来颇年轻的，所以可信。）她，拍了好多张好多张的照片。两个孩子都好像挺大了。一男一女。女的看来也有七或八岁，男的看来也起码五岁。孩子被称作公主与王子，也替他们拍了好多、好多张的美丽照片。照片里的父亲虽然称不上是绝世帅哥，但看来也挺年轻摩登的，和我这网友还算蛮登对的。从照片里，看来她过得还相当富裕的。还有一群朋友姐妹们做伴。两个孩子，在她妈妈生日时，在婆婆脸上送香吻，照片还有这温馨的一面。漂亮的脸孔，不愁吃穿的生活，漂亮可爱的孩子，登对的夫君，一大群朋友和和蔼的同事，到底这位美丽的公主还欠缺什么呢？

可惜，我在她的 shoutout box 里看到她这么的写着："All Men Are Born Liars"

想必，猜也猜得到她多么的不快乐。

虽然我不懂她，也不太认识她，我所得到的结论是 - Never judge a book by its cover, what you may not see runs deeper.

其实，有些人并不如你所想象的那么值得 envy。

话又说回来了，让我看到了那么一个景象，又让我对婚姻有着更加大的恐惧和反感。撇开驳论什么法律妇女篇章会维护女人还是什么的，花在一段婚姻的青春和心思，一段失败的感情和婚姻的煎熬，又何止一个妇女篇章的保护所能抵消的呢！！

我不是没有接触过男生，但近年来，我不断地在思考到底什么是爱？偏偏，我又是一个对感情后知后觉的人，要等到整件事沉淀了过后，才发觉自己的心情。我一直在想，要怎样才能放心去爱一个人？还是，果真让我有那么点心动的人，都是不可靠的人？

我讨厌说谎的人，更加厌恶不真诚的人。有时，不知是我的雷达太过敏锐还是我其实应该给与更多的通融，但只要我察觉到那一点的不在乎和理所当然，我便开始感到反感。或许，时机未到。又或许，需要更进一步的沟通与接触才能下定论。

想念多过一个人是正常吧？没有什么约定，更别说是八字一瞥什么的。最糟糕的是，心里都还没有想过去结交或认识很多很多的男生，that's why 我的 status 还只是 Looking for friendship，而没有 dating 这一项。我可没有那个思绪去应对每一个阿猫阿狗的邀请函啊！起码暂时没有。我不像我一个女友，在有一次的情人节当中，竟然在她的 blog 上注明了公司的地址，说有心送花的人，请寄到此地址让她签收！而她果真收到了许多束花！天啊，这完全不是我的作风！我没有办法让我没有兴趣的人白费功夫的！最起码，我尽量婉拒。Unless he insist。这年头，很多男生把追女生的精力与开销当做 ROI。当得不到女生时，便开始怨言不绝。天啊！这也算爱吗？

但我也不会去拒绝会面我感觉还不错的男生和没见过的人。唉……如果所谓的“爱”会来，我想就会来吧？感觉对了，就去追。确定了，才下定论。不清楚的，渐渐搞懂。不是吗？

以上全部的，都是我的谜团。

The importance of communication

How many times have we had these kinds of conversations?

"You said..."
"No, you're wrong! I said..."
"You did not! You never said I was supposed to..."
"Oh, yes I did! I clearly said..."
"You never even mentioned..."
"But that was our agreement..."

The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Whether we are dealing with the question of who does what at work, how you communicate with your daughter when you tell her to clean her room, or who feeds the fish and takes out the garbage, we can be certain that unclear expectations will lead to misunderstanding, disappointment, and withdrawals of trust.

Many expectations are implicit. They haven't been explicitly stated or announced, but people nevertheless bring them to a particular situation. In marriage, for example, a man and a woman have implicit expectations of each other in their marriage roles. Although these expectations have not been discussed, or sometimes even recognized by the person who has them, fulfilling them makes great deposits in the relationship and violating them makes withdrawals.

That's why it's so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out on the table. People will begin to judge each other through those expectations. And if they feel like their basic expectations have been violated, the reserve of trust is diminished. We create many negative situations by simply assuming that our expectations are self-evident and that they are clearly understood and shared by other people.

The deposit is to make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning. This takes a real investment of time and effort up front, but it saves great amounts of time and effort down the road. When expectations are not clear and shared, people begin to become emotionally involved and simple misunderstandings become compounded, turning into personality clashes and communication breakdowns.

Clarifying expectations sometimes takes a great deal of courage. It seems easier to act as though differences don't exist and to hope things will work out than it is to face the differences and work together to arrive at a mutually agreeable set of expectations.

~ Stephen R Covey; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

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I used to think that no argument is good in my relationship and pride myself on that.

And then i discovered that there were so many differences between us, only much much later down the lane...

Come to think of it all now, actually a little argument wldnt hurt and may even facilitate better understanding. Of course the ideal wld be to talk it over calmly and come to a mutual agreement. I used to think that that was what we did very early on in my previous marathon r/s. Then i realized that somehow, due to the novelty of a new relationship, wanting to hang onto it, to make it last, somehow somewhere somewhat, someone must hv been restraining his or her true self just so to placate the other party.

This wld not be the truth i seek.

Not that you hv to practically tear out each other's hair just for the sake of argument to come to the awareness of wat ea other want but effective communication is vital. It does not hv to be quantity communication, it's the quality that counts.

Being too nice (a cool composed front), afraid to communicate wat u need directly to the other person, afraid to receive feedbacks, holding back wat you feel, lack of expressing your care & concern in the way the other party can ustand, all stand in the way of truly understanding & connecting to someone.

This reminds me of this part of an article i've read - 5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER (by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.):

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and
thoughts with this person?

This question goes
to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you
can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication
is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

There's a quote that i came by, author unknown, talking abt love which i agree very much with:

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is
for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them
more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything
about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling
comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk
into a room and smile at you.

i'm still trying to find my love though. who are you and where are you?