I WILL live up to the promise of not living my life in mundanity and it will have to first start from within. Otherwise no matter how colorful your life is on the outside, your life will still be bland. ~ byu
Unconventional, loyal and a cancerian.
I especially like to converse with people who are unrestrainably funny, people with a witty to almost sarcastic sense of humour or people who lead you to reflect deeply.
Am stubbornly passive, frog-in-a-well but once I’m into you? Hehe… that’s a different story altogether…
And oh! Though this is not my own profile, the way she's described herself kinda reminded me of myself. She's in her 50s. Wonder how wld i be like by then?
Perhaps this aspect of my horoscope explains it the best:
Retrograde Venus: has unique ideas regarding pleasure, beauty & love, & less concern for the social amenities. They tend to put those they love to the acid test: “If I do x & y, will you still love me?” Can lead to some form of antisocial behavior.
Don't they sound very much like me?? Perception, perception, perception. It's not for me to judge anyway. Bah!
Maybe it's all just in my imaginations... and then we'll have the many different characters that come in and out of our lives, blocking our vision, taking up our time, distracting our attention, diluting our feelings, strengthening our resolve to maintain our pride... but once the feeling is ignored and then gone, will it disappear forever? "It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses." -- Dag Hjalmar Agné Carl Hammarskjold
Ever since my birthday this year, a slow gradual change has been sweeping over meh...
No, not my biological clock... haha... I'm way past that. Something else. A realization maybe.
Anyway, and so, I've been meeting up different friends of mine over the past weeks, talking to my friends, and then friends of friends.
So that friend of friend was saying, "She's leaving." A girl that he was into will be leaving for another country.
"Why don't you stopped her?"
"Nah. It's better this way."
And then my original friend said, "Sometimes it's better not knowing whether things ended or not."
Really?
All I know, if the guy was someone that I like, I'd like him to stop me or at least see me off at the airport. Maybe more could be said...??
Oh well *shrugs*. It's not as if I'm a pro at this. I sux at expressing myself to anyone whom I am starting to develop a liking for anyway. In the end, I think I am no better than that friend of friend.
Maybe in a while more's time, I'll be adding "Dating" to my "Looking For" status on facebook. Regardless of whoever I've been subconsciously developing an affinity for (my subconscious usually becomes apparent to me in the form of dreams), it is still not strong enough to throw out all my reservation. Therefore, I'm still open to all options =) My past experience of meeting people has taught me what to look out for in a mate. I'd still like to enjoy the process of being wooed though (many more guys out there still waiting to know me :P) I hadn't been totally open to this anyway (coz will need energy to handle all that attention ma...), been keeping a very, very low profile, and restraining myself. I think a flirtatious me would be very alluring... mmm... *cheeky* ;p
I love what you are, and what you do and how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength that carries you through. I’ve seen the best of you. I’ve seen the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. And I love you. ~ unknown
I'm a high C after all. I am preparing to usher myself into a brand new chapter of my life, and I promise myself that it will be sensational and nothing like before =)
ON YOUR MARK Lyrics & Music: Ryo Aska Arrangement: Sawachika Taisuke Translation by Aardvark Anime Concerts (not 100% accurate though)
Soshite bokurawa itsumo no egaoto sugatade And we, with smiles on our faces, Brush the dust off of our clothes Hokorini mamireta fukuo haratta If our hands should let go, it would not make a sound
Konote wo hanaseba otosae tatenai A coin dropped, Noiselessly Ochiteyuku koinwa nidoto kaeranai Never to return
Kimi to boku narande You and me, side by side Yoakeo oinuitemitai jitensha Racing the dawn on our bicycles
On Your Mark itsumo On Your Mark, let's go Hashiri daseba. Hayarino kaze ni yarareta I always seem to catch the flu that's going around
On Your Mark bokura ga soredemo yamenainowa On Your Mark We'll never quit Yumeno shamen miagete ikesohna kigasurukara We look up the hill of dreams, The crest in in sight
Soshite bokura wa kokoro no, chiisana akichide And then, In the empty spaces of our hearts Taganii furiotoshita kotobano yudachi Shooting each other with a hail of words
*some missing lines*
Kimi to boku subeteo We can't say the right thing Mitomete shimauni wa mada wakasugiru Like telling time, on a clock with invisible hands, we're too young to appriciate it, much to our chagrin
On Your Mark itsumo On Your Mark, let's go Hashiri daseba. Hayarino kaze ni yarareta I always seem to catch the flu that's going around
On Your Mark bokura ga soredemo yamenainowa On Your Mark We'll never quit Yumeno shamen miagete ikesohna kigasurukara We look up the hill of dreams, The crest in in sight
Soshite bokura wa And Then
*On Your Mark, itsumo On Your Mark, let's go Hashiri daseba hayarino kaze ni yarareta I always catch the flu that's going around
On Your Mark bokura ga soredemo yamenaino wa On Your Mark We can't lose this one Yumenoshamen miagete ikesohna kigasurukara Because our hearts are called together as one*
It definitely aptly describes me. In fact, I do not even think this description is strong enough. I am damn slow and "innocent" as some friends would call it when it comes to certain matter.
People around me may have on and off been giving me certain advice as to about what I need, but I usually do not find them a problem until I slowly (yes... in fact VERY SLOWLY) come to the awareness that, yes, indeed I do need help in that certain area my friends were suggesting before.
Like example, when my mother passed away, I'd hear relatives commenting that it would be very difficult for me from now on to deal with life without the care of my mother. I thought then, no doubt I miss my mother, but life goes on as usual, what's the fuss? I'm strong enough!
Years later did I realize the profound impact the loss of my mother on me.
Like when I'm all on my own, did away with this good-for-nothing ex, I'd hear friends telling me that perhaps I'd need someone to take care of me... in my mind I'd guffaw: What? Take care of me? Nah... It's okay. I have been always on my own haven't I? Who needs taking care of? Pleassseeee larh! Don't let me end up taking care of the person instead!
Recently, I am starting to feel that indeed I do yearn for someone to take care of me. I've been so tired, struggling for so many years on my own, feeling unloved, neglected, unwanted and ignored.
The only problem is who.
Just last Saturday, I was out with a girlfriend who asked me, are you seeing anyone? To which I said what I would usually say, "没有人要我啦。"
And the usual look of disbelief on their faces, whoever that was present at that time.
I would wonder myself sometimes... 谁要我？要我的人，我会要他吗？
Now if you're my friend, I'm sure by now you would have known that I'm not an easy girl. Neither am I someone who goes for tall, dark, handsome hunks (my ex was shorter than me) nor it would be the money or luxuries that I'm after. I'm not trying to brag but I think it would be so much easier to flirt insincerely and to make a lot of guys lovelorn for whatever benefits they can do for me. But then I would detest myself for that, so I'd rather hole myself up at home than to lead these kind of guys on, playing with people's feelings or flaunting my plight to gain sympathy. I don't know, maybe sometimes I'm just too "di" (hokien for straight) for my own good. I would rather be "di" than to be pretentious, because I sure as hell detest pretentiousness.
So then, how to fall in love liddat? Haha... good question. Tsk... sigh... maybe I have been so wrapped up in such a self-protecting cocoon that in the midst of defending myself, I have also been oblivious to all the goodness out there and blocking the well-intentioned out. I need to find a decent someone, to date, to understand, to fall in love with, and to whom that I can give and breathe my love to as well. I don't know who will he be for now. He could be someone I already know, or perhaps not. Geez.. I think I'd need to first 过我自己的这一关。
This was what I had composed myself somewhere in July. It describes my biggest fear and worry should I get involved in a relationship.
恐惧
我，是个在群众时不太懂得怎样善待自己的人。我或许并不需要我将来的伴侣对我时刻小心翼翼，娇宠万顺，但是我也很担心我会被他刻薄对待。就因为不懂得怎么善待自己，所以更害怕被对方耍得团团转，以敷衍的态度被对待，而自己却浑然不知，还以为自己正沉溺在牢不可破的幸福之中…… (5th July 2008)
Sigh... 这么迟钝的我…… 你还要吗？ Would you cherish and honor me too?
杨丞琳 ~ 带我走
Much as you would like to, you seemed to hold back on your loving quality and affection. You might find yourself loving someone, but you are unable to demonstrate or freely evince similar sort of energy towards your love.
~ part of a horoscope reading someone did up for me.
