i cant sleep in the wee hours of this morning, so...

Me married?
XXX yes i am
XXX you mind?
XXX if you mind i can understand
Me well... it depends on one's motive... i strictly just wanna talk that's all
Me u have children i sup?
XXX chats ok as long as you are comfy
XXX no, i do not have any yet
XXX you have bf?
Me nope
Me ur wife asleep?
XXX no
XXX wife is with my inlaw in malaysia
XXX all alone now....til april
Me ur a msian?
XXX hmmm...so to say... a bachelor til april
XXX no lah...i pure singaporean
XXX you?
Me ur married, how cn u call urself a bacherlor?
Me am a singaporean
XXX not in a sense of status
XXX more so in physical sense
XXX 'single' now mer
Me i mean pardon me... since we dun see ea other in real life
XXX doesn't matter whether see or do not see...as long as we are comfy to chat here
Me but ur married, how can u even be single in the physical sense?
Me u have probs with ur wife?
XXX nope
XXX she has to be in malaysia for some errands
Me she's good to u?
XXX yes...
XXX in what sense you mean 'good' leh?
Me erm.. all sense lah
Me or u feel that she doesnt satisfy u or wat
Me er... is it a dif qn to ans
Me if so nvm la
XXX nope
Me does she know how to use the internet?
XXX yes
Me so i guess she chats online too?
XXX nope
XXX she hates it
Me so have u met a lot of people fr online so far?
XXX a few
XXX how abt you?
Me nt really
XXX ic
XXX so you clean and goody good huh?
Me wat u think?
XXX clean gals can be as noti
XXX noti girls are also as clean
Me u met those lot?
XXX not a lot
Me meaning? u met clean girls or noti girls?
XXX paradoxically both
XXX some noti became clean
XXX some clean got noti
XXX pardoxical huh?
Me wat abt u then? how would u describe urself?
XXX i am as paradoxical
XXX i am naturally noti as a man of my age
XXX and also discreetly clean


Well, chats like this at this hour, after experiencing the irc (singnet irc has already shut down since June 07, prolly due to the works of Dollies Gone Wild. Good job for them!), doesn't come as a surprise to me.... however, i'm still as disgusted by the fact some guys esp. already married ones (let's not even talk about merely attached) would be on the prowl for sex online and hopefully offline as well (their true intentions).

You have her trust. Dun abuse it. Oh well, depends on who u get attach to ba. It makes me shiver just to think that there're many guys out there who want their cake and eat it too.


XXX how come yo so quiet leh?
Me tis hr tired
XXX you want to keep up again?
Me keep up?
XXX exchange numbers?
Me oh
Me i dun gib no online
XXX its ok
XXX nice chatting with you *my nick*
XXX got to go now
XXX tired and sleepy
Me cya
XXX will you call me?



OF COS NOT!!!

---

Afternote:

I would like to share here on what I've read before by Brad Masters. Here is what he's written:

I do understand the Feminist Perspective. And, I realize that men often judge women by their looks and/or perceived suitability as a sex partner, rather than as a sensitive human being with a mind and feelings.

That's why some Eastern religious traditions teach celibacy. It's not really about being pure... or turning all one's energies towards God.

No, the true value of celibacy is that by giving up sex,one is more likely to see women purely as another human being like one's self, rather than as a sex objects.

Thus, this is an educational discipline. Once the lesson is learned, celibacy offers no other real benefit, and in fact can turn desires into obsession and become dangerous instead.


To cut his whole article short, let me lift parts of his article and piece them together where i deem appropriate:

The original motivation of the feminist movement was to help women empower themselves, stand up for themselves, and stop being emotional doormats that a man can walk all over.

To become strong! To become anchored in who you are! To assert yourself in the game of life! However, when one thinks of the feminist movement now, it seems to be more about "man hating" and lesbianism.

But please don't get me wrong. I certainly don't give a horse's patooey about anyone's sexual orientation. After all, man or woman, we each have to follow our own inner voice and do whatever feels right inside, even it flies in the face of convention. And, I do feel that every woman should be given the respect and equal treatment by society that she so much deserves. However, I take strong issue with the fact that the feminist movement seems to have been hijacked by man haters.

So lets go back to the underlying issue that lies at the very heart of feminism: Self Empowerment. For, that's what every human being wants, man or woman, and what every human being needs. And, what can be more empowering for a woman than to awaken her inner Goddess, and step out to boldly take as much pleasure out of life as she can get.

Life is a game to be enjoyed... and playfulness lies at the heart of the God or goddess nature that lives deep within each of us. And the dance between the sexes as old as time, and as natural as Mother Nature herself.

To dress up for your man, engage in role playing, or do anything else to bring fresh erotic fun into a relationship is EMPOWERING. For once your inner goddess is awakened, you could be the temple whore and still hold a power over the ruler of the kingdom that will have him begging at your very feet for your love and approval.

To have eyes but for you... and you alone.

---

So, in case if you've misunderstood me to be frigid, hope what I've quoted clears the air up.





张韶涵 ~ 潘朵拉

Slimeballs! Sleazers!

Dunno what happen to the newly downloaded blogskin for this blog. The origin laywork just disappear! Just downloaded it not too many days back. Hopefully the creator of this skin will get it up and running soon.

--

Saw a tagline on an acquaintance's msn that says: "Gals with surface beauty are like visa card, can overdraft, bought and used everywhere, anytime and have an expiry."

Good grief! I hope she doesn't meant me! This was one lady who had added me on msn after we've communicated thru friendster msg but when I took the iniative to talk to her *not once, not twice but thrice*, there were no reply fr her at all. *I may be just too overly-sensitive & emo here* And of cos there's nth in there that describes me at all! Or erm is there? Wahaha... reminds me of those days while I was newbie working in a jeweler's chain store when some cash went missing. It wasn't me of cos! But the tension during the call back to stay after work late into the night just so to have a discussion of each and everyone's alibi, going thru the security video tape and forming a sacred circle of chairs seating not just your manager but as well as the Operational Manager amg all of us staffs, eyes looking at one another, waiting for the one to 'fess up was just too much for a new-comer then like me to bear. So much so that I felt like screaming then: "Yes I admit! It's me! It's me! I'm the one who did it! IT'S ME!" and then hopefully the ordeal wld stop. Logically, of cos it wldnt and instead of helping, it might just make matters worse. I had to curb myself then for this outburst. I absolutely h8 tension! I hate politics! I h8 pretenders! Oh gosh, never you mind...

--

Not again!

It was a friend invite from friendster. The primary picture looked decent enuff. But I went further to check out his profile. Just so tell meh, wld you add anyone with contents in his profile like this?


















I dun think any decent gal wld right? Ok, unless if she's not very observant or THAT gullible perhaps something like me in the past.

Opened up my friendster messages and there was this guy who beseeched me to make friends with him and to add him on msn. K... so I click on his pic to go to his profile and you see these:











certain content has been modified so as to make it more palatable to the general audience; it's like a markdown fr erm an "X" category to erm a M18

Helloooooooooo? Duhz. Nuff said. Wrong target.

And then to go online on msn *usually I dun* to have another insensitive bug fr some other unknown guy trying to get to know me.

To say truth, usually it wld hv been tolerable, but due to the above episodes and another unhappy episode on msn which occurred not too far back, my patience's been overstretched. I'm really abt to snap and bite anytime. Like wat they say, a pic paints a thousand words, so let's just see roughly wat had happened during then. Note that the pink writing denotes me and the black words represent that stupid idiot. Click to open image:




Log 3




Log 5




Log 6

See?

Though essentially this one particular guy didnt do anything wrong *& also in the first place, it was me who wanted to get exposed to as many ppl as possible*, I felt bugged by this guy:







Haha... ok I must admit, it all looked really quite innocent though. But I felt peeved when he kept pestering me to intro myself *look at the last part of this log* after I accepted his friend add on Tagged like as if I hv to because he's fulfilled as if "certain" requirements. Though I must say knowing that he's innocent, i dun just flare up on ppl when they least deserve it so I tried to make as graceful an exit as possible by:







Haha.. like real! Not yet embarked on my excercise regimen though. Oops.

--

Well, some of my friends've noticed, I seemed to be quite keen on blogging. So much so that it seemed to reign as mah full time job. Haiz.

Cos I'm so afraid of losing myself. Forgeting my past identity. Of what I may "used to be". Of my every single moment right now when I can still feel. My every single tingle of reckless youth now while I still can afford to be prodigal but soon, i will hv no more. I needa go thru a certain phase before I must take up my new heavy responsibilty. And then I will look back no more, save perhaps on those extremely rare difficult moments when i suddenly find myself all alone with no agenda to fill in mah appt book, when i still hv this luxury of wallowing perhaps in the "what ifs" which radically speaking, i ustand, be it thru personal growth training's or sales workshop's paradigm, it's of no monetary contribution to wealth accumulation, of no worth to rmb at all; i will look back at the once me, hidden and stashed away as if imma shame to be seen in daylight, yet was still very much part of me, once.

--

Some other experiences:

Once done some door knocking together with a female colleague. A dubious man opened up his door and we ended up talking abt his r/s with his newly "acquired" Vietnamese wife who was once a pros but "he didnt minded at all" & other stuff along those lines. He kept beckoning us to go into his house to hv a seat. Through the front door though, all i saw were some pink curtains that looked suspiciously like barrier for cubicles *my mind ran wild then*. My colleague and i both shook our head unanimously and instead, tried to invite him down to the nearest coffee shop for kopi or tea. Needless to say, no compromise was made and definitely no deal as well.

Another occasion, I went to an ex-colleague's home to follow up on a certain biz. Her hubby came out to greet me in his boxer shorts showing off his tattoo and all. Afterwards, needless to say, my ex-colleague's pretty pissed abt it *she told me that she was angry wif HIM but u noe, that still pretty much put me on embarrassing grounds* Few days later, I recieved a mms with a pic of a man's crotch in its full "morning glory" view which looked obviously taken from home. My suspicions were directed towards my ex-colleague's spouse.

And yet another occasion, I've had my hopes up high of clinching a deal when all the guy wanna do when meet up is to stare into mah eyes...

Duhz...

--

So wat's the fine line? it really gets to me sometimes. Just some times. And then perhaps, no more...

IRC number 2?

It's like Eureka! I've just found out only today (albeit I had already had that acct somewhere last year, heard of that site and received numerous invites long before that and seldom logon because I find the site laggy) that Tagged (a friend making website) has this function to chat online without the need to exchange ya im addy!




Click here for a bigger view

But soon, I discovered:




Click here for a bigger view
Those floating blue tabs by the way are all the private conversation windows I had minimized during my chat stint. I've had more but closed down a few in order to gain access to the rest better as I still cldnt quite understand how to manoeuver around this system. As usual, some people over at the other end of the private chat windows got a bit impatient by expecting immediate reply from me while windows were popping up every now and then calling for my attention, so they left. This is the same problem I've had when I was on the irc as well as msn (save that the people on irc are somewhat more "welcoming" when u eventually reply, perhaps of the possible "hot encounters" they're hoping to derive fr you? This, unlike the people on msn who'd usually get "offended"). Gosh! That's y I seldom utilize msn except for offline messaging where I can choose the people I wanna talk to!

It also suddenly began to dawn on me why Tagged chat is cool for possible players to engage in. How did I learn of this? Well, a les (lesbian) talking online to me had made a comment, "You're hot!", on my chat window. So I asked her, "How did you know I look hot or not?" Look at the picture above I had provided again. Did you spot my nickname "bonnybyu"? Yes, the one with the cute pink strawberry (I thought the avatar was cute and assigned one: the strawberry, to mah nick) to it? If you're on Tagged Chat, anyone can actually left click on your username to open up your profile. Your profile would usually contain your details more or less like that of your friendster profile format. And of cos it would include pictures if you ever uploaded any (I did). You can also however, choose to set your profile to "Private" much like that of friendster too, so that chatters or any other random Tagged members online wld not be able to gain access to ya profile.

Oh well, as much as I've gotten some really cheesy messages from people I do not know well FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, I'm not about to change my profile to private as yet. That would kinda limit my reach out to the other possible interesting (ahem... proper) friends I may be able to make.

Just to share with you, my friends, on some of the hilarious messages I've received. Clicked on the links to see the images.



Message 1
This is the usual typical kind of messages I wld received.



Message 2
Guess this is sup to be romantic but sorry! I aint the least bit of touched.



Message 3
This guy is a typical F**ker! @#!&^YZ*



Message 4
Just another typical one liner kinda greeting.



Message 5
Oh well, I guess, you shd giddit by now...

---

Once, someone on msn added me. As usual, I'd accept all adds. So when he greeted me, in order to identify this new friend, I asked him how'd he known me to add me? So a helpful him suggested, "Adult Friend finder?"

Well, I didnt know any website by the name of that. So i googled it and got the shock of my life!
I blocked him right after.

Yea... as I random surf the net more often, I chanced upon more distasteful sites than I'd ever imagined existed! Sites that teach you how to hide the fact you've been unfaithful to your spouse by offering services that help cover up & account for your expenditure while philandering, sites for you to meet "hungry and bored housewives", sites to teach you how to be a proper player etc etc and so forth. I rmb once seeing an ad somewhere (gosh where did i chance upon it amg the websites I've been to? Gmail ads? Lovehappens? Gosh gosh gosh!) abt having discreet affairs with married women.

Here is one such example of a site for affairs:




Click here for a bigger view



Image 3
OMG! They even have a "how to prepare for affair" guide here! *faintz*



Image 4
You can search for the type of lover you want. Here's an example of what would come out of the search. The words in lavender are clickable leading you to their profiles.



Image 5
I'd even managedto find a so called registered Singaporean on this website!



Image 6
They've even thrown in chatrooms! I bet the chatroom for members are much more preposterous in nature.


Other clandestine websites:


Discreet Adventures


Adult Discreet


Meet A Wife

It's really sad. Very sad. *shivers, grimaces & huddles* As I came across these websites and loading the pictures for your information, I was shivering yet sweating (feeling very hot, yes HOT as in angry too!) Perspiration were trickling down from my body, face, chest, arms and all. What has the world come to? I know I know, there would always be the sorta guys, even girls around. I might hv even encountered a few without them fully unsheathing their fangs in front of me. But pls, go away such people! Leave me far far away! My ideal partner for the rest of my life is certainly nothing like this and I give my promise I shall be faithful to him regardless what circumstances as long as we're together!

Is true love that hard to seek? *sobz* These things around me really sadden me. To be in such near encounter still chills me to the bones. My previous partner? *grimaces & shivers again*

Meanwhile, lemme go back to the simple world of mapling (Maple Story) to kill mah time. And lemme believe in the magic and love of Sailormoon.

Still.