Causes of Depression in Men and Women

Extract from Mars and Venus On A Date by John Gray, Ph.D:

THE DIFFERENT CAUSES OF DEPRESSION

The major cause of depression in woman is feeling isolated. When women are most unhappy, it is when they feel that they have to do it all and there is no one there for them. This sense of having to be completely responsible for themselves and others becomes a source of depression.

Ironically, for men it is the opposite. When a man feels he is responsible for himself, then he feels good about himself. When he feels he can provide for another, he feels even better about himself. The more the others need him, the better he feels.

Men like to feel they are being helpful and of service. In a sense, men like to be used. As long as a man feels fairly rewarded, he is most fulfilled when he is being used. When a man is responsible and giving and is appreciated and rewarded, he is happiest. Women, on the other hand, become depressed when they are used too much.

The major cause of depression in men is feeling not needed. A man out of work or with nothing to do becomes increasingly depressed. A man becomes depressed when he experiences that what he has to offer is not needed. This is why appreciation is so important to men. When a man feels needed, then his confidence and sense of purpose increase. Automatically, he feels more responsible.

When a man feels needed, it can bring out the best in him. A woman doesn't instinctively understand how important this is to a man. Certainly a woman wants to feel appreciated, but what she doesn't understand is that men don't feel needed unless they are appreciated for what they do. Without appreciation, a man loses touch with his purposefulness.

When a man doesn't feel that he can successfully provide for himself or another, he will become depressed. With insight into the source of a man's depression, it is easier to understand why a man needs a woman.

WHEN WOMEN GIVE TOO MUCH

When a woman gives of herself, even if she is appreciated and rewarded fairly, she will not get what she primarily needs. There are many successful women who are taking medication or in counseling for depression. The source of their depression is not that they don't feel needed, but that they don't get what they need.

There is nothing wrong with women who give a lot. Giving is an expression of love, and it is always good. The problem comes up when women cannot get back the support they need and deserve. When women give more than they are getting, they become increasingly unfulfilled.