Mercs Bro

I hope, you're finally free to be who you wanna be, and to do what you wanna do, without any burden or worry.

I hope, that you understood how special and dear you were to me... although it may not have been in the way that you might have liked.

I'm sorry that you didn't get to ride in my mercs vehicle. I stopped working towards obtaining one cos I finally realized it wasn't my dream. Still, I regret not having the ability to drive you around in any vehicle of my own at all because I don't have any. Regardless whether it's impractical to own a car here, I just wanna let you know I still remember my promise to you, and that you received it with a smiling face.

Thank you for your encouragement, generosity & gentleness.

Thank you for all that you are...

and thank you for appearing in my life during my down period...

I love you. I truly do.

The Agony of Life & Feelings

I'm not discounting your pains... but I hope that you can spare a thought for mine too.

Stabirabi rapstastabira

CN Blue ~ Still In Love
English Translation Lyrics


Whispered: You’re my love

I can't fall asleep in this long night
I draw you out again
Today, I hold back tears yet again
I let out a sigh - you're my love

Stabirabi rapststabira
Love you love you love you my love
Stabirabi rapststabira I want your love

* My painful love, I'm hurting as if I cut my skin
I try to hold it in but soundlessly, it hurts
My aching love, it's bitter as if I swallowed poison
I try to smile but I'm faintly aching *

Today, I see the morning yet again
I draw you out again
Lingering attachments push over to me again
I still love you - you're my love
You’re my love

Stabirabi rapststabira
Love you love you love you my love
Stabirabi rapststabira
I want your love

** repeat

My bad love, I call you but there's no answer (no answer)
I beg to hold on to you but you coldly turn away (turn away)
My bad love, you are leaving like vapor (you are leaving)
I extend my hand to hold you but at some point, you already left me


~~~


Not that I'm experiencing this literally, but I really ached like that the whole day... This CNBlue song, the feel of it especially, resonates with me today...

Falling Rain

Falling rain. Pouring love.

It's raining. I'm safe at home and in bed. In the deep of the night, I am listening to the pitter patter sound of the falling rain.

Such tranquility.

It would be better if I have someone I love hugging me tight from behind.

I wish.

Reflection over the past days - Presence

Some people make you feel comfortable. Some people don't. It's all about presence - how you feel in their presence. The moment.

Sometimes people go through bad patch or mood swing and affect the feel.

Some people constantly wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

Some people make you feel odd no matter the front they put on. No matter how beautiful the scenery is, how expensive or dear the present or treat given, you feel weird with the person. No concrete words to logically describe, you just feel it, and you know it.

Some people you feel so comfortable & happy with them that even when out of touch you still reminisce about those moments.

I now know. Feel.

没人要我，你相信吗？

Sometimes, it's like the same old plot that's been happening unto me, so old so cliche that I'm so sick of it.

Right after I posted that status update on my Facebook, I wondered, how many people who's been on my Facebook for a while are sick of such similar whine? Or perhaps... they don't even realise; it simply didn't appear on their newsfeed.

Saying that nobody wants me may sound a bit far-fetch, but no one's actively after me either.

Nor do I want people whom I'm not interested in to pursue me hard either. (And when they give up after 1 or 2 feeble tries, that's just typical as well.)

Or maybe I sent off this unapproachable vibe to guys whom I feel I may get along. I'm just too shy, and unsure.. to reciprocate immediately...

Yea... So even if the guy is interested, after mustering up so much courage, I was too dumb to see the signal or too shy to meet his eyes, yet nonchalant enough to feign a composure that all is well & fine... Well of course all is good! If I'm enjoying your company, I must have smiled and beamed sheepishly a lot. I may even have flushes in my cheeks :O

Or perhaps in short, I'm really just scared of the wrong one.

I really felt silly like that sometimes.

Solo performance

Imagine if I am able to combine aikido moves with Chinese pop music, graceful dance and magic together. Gotta do this while I'm still hot & desirable, ha!

doubts

I am starting to lose confidence in deciphering for myself.

Maybe it's because I've always been alone in thoughts and have always been making my own decisions since young. I realized I couldn't do it all by myself and actually felt ashamed when I'm tired and worn out. Because the only thing that has been sustaining me through my past years is my PRIDE in the ability to be independent. That instead of asking for help which I've been no good at all along, I find it easier to do everything by myself as I do not have to adhere to anyone's schedule or risk being rejected.

Over the years, I also realized the hefty consequences I have to pay in being too easy-going sometimes. I am a generous, loving person by nature and I still do not want to change that, however, I've learnt how to be more selective with the company that I keep.






I need to be more humble.

I need my friends.

The Pursuit of Happyness

多了 ~ Green Swallow

恨不得把整碗马上解决掉
可是汤烫。。你也只好
将速度放慢

就如我现在想马上告诉你
其实我们。。。。
同样的心急

similarity doesn’t mean we sing in the same key
有一些差距反而令人觉得挺有趣

to love someone is surely not a disability
多了一个你
我的日子多了一份喜

Let it come, let it go

Cancer Horoscope

Sunday, Dec 14th, 2008 -- Don't fret over your changing moods today, because the Moon's visit to your 1st House of Self can run you through a gamut of feelings. Remain unattached to each thought as it comes and goes. Don't push away the anger and don't pull in the desires. Just let your emotions run their own course without trying to control them. This doesn't mean, however, that you must share your inner process with those around you. Save the intimate discussions until you reach smoother waters.