I wanna save lives... but imma afraid...

Yes. Blood donation.

However, images and even sounds of yester years haunt me. Even though I've done blood test before, withdrawing tubes of blood, i'm still afraid of subjecting myself under the needle.

Sharp objects terrify me. I guess, some encounters over my years contributed to that.

So much so that I'd cringed even as the chicken/duck rice stall owner chops his poutry. Even w/o closing mah eyes, i can almost see and feel the vision of him accidentally chopping off his fingers. The thud sound on his chopping board. Brrrr.

When the sugar cane stall keeper is extracting the sugar cane juice by putting the canes under the roller machine, I wld imagine his hand getting squashed underneathe, blood spurting out and his shrilling outcries of pain.

Phobia phobia phobia. Yup. My phobia. Nth of the girlish squealing sort like wat i've said. Aint afraid of cockroaches or creepy crawlies. But the sickening sensation that I get when imma faced with such things ea time is unbearable - the anguish at myself for feeling all that.

I'm O+ by the way. One of the more needed blood type group.

I feel so afraid sometimes. And alone. There are things that I wld like to do but just cant bring myself to. Trauma. Is it trauma? How do I get myself to overcome these? I weep, I tear and i cry. Yet at the end of the day, facing the obstacles, I turn my head and run off.